+confessions+rude awakenings+allegations+thoughts+

Fear of love..

2006-05-19T10:10:00.000-07:00

Having a relationship means sharing what you have and learning from the other person. I’ve been through a lot of relationships in my life, and I can say that I’ve always had the short end of the stick. What do you do when you give everything to that one person, when he said he’d never leave your side, he said he’d always hold your hands, then end up getting your heart broken? What do you do at a time like that? Sometimes it’s better just to break down and cry, to pick up the pieces left later. You think over your relationship and try to think of what you did wrong. The way you put your friends in front of him, the way you sometimes ignored him because you don’t want to deal with the drama. Then it dawns on you, that everything was worth it. Everything you did, you don’t regret anything, because its what made you who you are today. So what if he doesn’t want the love you gave anymore? So what? At least you know in your own self that you gave everything you could, and if he didn’t like what he received then its his problem not yours.

What is your greatest fear?

Mine is the fact that one day everybody will leave my side. Desert me and never come back. What would I do then? I will have to learn to live by myself, do everything be myself, in other words be responsible and independent. That is my greatest fear. To finally grow up, to realize that there are more important things in life than shopping and going out with friends, more important things than checking out guys, wondering if they’re cute. To finally mature and not continue holding the hands of other people, because I’m afraid to fall. That is my greatest fear.

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I’m going to see my ex-bf’s play today. It’s so weird to call him that. I’m anxious and nervous and excited. I hope nothing bad happens.

2006-05-17T09:23:00.000-07:00

What do you do when everything in your life disappears..
when you lose what you thought completed you?..
what do you say at a time like this when all you’ve ever known in your life is completely gone?

Nothing.

All there is to do is to hold back the tears that flow,
and wish that the day will come that he will come back to you,
saying he still loves you,
and he wants to be with you.

But yet even though you know he isn’t, you still hope.

And that’s what keeps you going.

The hope that he’ll come back.

But he’ll never come.

Never.

..dancing is my life..

2006-03-24T07:27:00.000-08:00

Yes. Dancing is my Passion!.. I was in a dance team/crew in my highschool (not school supported) and we performed a lot. But now that I live in California, even though there is a dance team, their kind of dance is not my kind. So now I'm stuck with just choreographing songs by myself. Maybe put together a dance team/crew. Ugh. This sucks.

"if i chose to touch you there. would you touch me the same?"
-Riverymaya "IF"

The song If. One of my favorites. Good questions asked. Like if I loved you this way, would you love me the same? You never know.

I get to see my lover today. After 5 days. I've been so sick of seeing these couples around school kissing and hugging. :(

Late to class.

cez

beauty is skin deep

2006-03-23T10:20:00.000-08:00

yup. That's pretty true. I mean if you're covered in make=up, plastic surgery and yeah you do look hot. But what if your personality is shitty? Then all the hotness you have doesn't matter. It's the personality that counts. YOu don't have to be pretty physically to be attractive. Having a pretty persoanlity is more attractive than the face.

I was late to school today because I was talking to my boyfriend this morning. ^_^ bad choice. But the sun's up and i'm wearing something that makes me look pregnant. ONe of those baby doll dresses. Ugh. Another bad choice. Today's a bad day, I'm hungry. :(

At least its not raining.

Black eyed peas concert. MAY 12. Oakland Arena. Pussycatdolls opening. I got the tickets! hahahha!

cez

men's insensitivity

2006-03-20T14:49:00.000-08:00

Ugh. I hate it when men are so insensitive. When you're mad at them, and you give them all the hints but they think everything's ok and still talk to you the same. Sometimes they're insensitive to your feelings, they don't know when they're hurting you. When they do, you suffer and they don't say sorry. Why? Coz they don't know that you've been hurt. But at the same time, we have to look at it from their view. What if they don't notice these hints we drop, what if they think that everything's ok. Of course they do, they're men. What I'm trying to say is, stop playing the stupid mouse-chase game and start communicating with your guys. You'll see, problems will be resolved easier, and you'll spend more time having fun then enduring the hurt you hide inside.

Its been raining outside. :( This makes me really sad. I went to school in a t-shirt thinking it'd be as hot as the other day. But to my dismay it wasn't. Raining. Wet hair. Need I say more?

My pet peeve is when people have this one view of you, that it really hides what you have inside. Coz they have this barrier they already decided on. Like today in my group. These are people I don't normally talk to. But they view me as a stupid airhead. This is what I hate most, can't an airhead be smart and intellectual too? Some people are surprised to know how good I am in math because of my outer appearance and how I talk. That's why you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Never.

Later.
cez

After 2 years..

2006-03-17T14:57:00.000-08:00

Wow! i just remembered about this blog. It's been a long
time since I have blogged on this. This is really weird.
A lot of things that have changed in my life since
December 2004. An important one, I finally have a steady
boyfriend that I can count on whenever I need him. I've
been with him since May 2, 2005. He's Filipino, not
only his ethnicity but also his values. He's a true
Filipino and I love it. We've been together for almost
a year. I'm proud of him and all the accomplishments
he's done.

My hair is shorter. I just got it cut yesterday and I do
not like it at all. She cut it way too short, and I
can't curl it as pretty as it was before. I need to
re-color my hair because it's fading.

I went on a cruise to Mexico! I visited to cities: Cabo
San Lucas, and Puerto Vallarta. Met some nice people on
the cruise, partied it up, had fun in the sun and drank
pinya coladas all day long. Virgin of course.

Today in class, we were studying different painting by
Picasso who made the way of cubism famous through his
magnificent paintings. We had to analyze a painting that
supposedly uses anti-war symbolism and how it is
expressed in the painting. My thought is, why are we
spending so much time analyzing what the painter might
have wanted us to think? Doesn't it come to mind that
maybe the painter just painted it due to the fact that
that's what he wanted to paint. Why are we
over-analyzing it when there actually isn't anything to
analyze? Do we learn anything at all? Something to think
about.

I was watching the movie, Pride and Prejudice. I liked
it so much that I saw it 3 times after that, and I saw
the updated version and also the Bollywood Version. FOr
all of you who don't know, Bollywood is the equivalent
of Hollywood in India that franchizes over 100 movies
every month. Talk about movie addicts. No offense to the
Bollywood fans out there. But back to the movie, I
recommend everybody to watch it. An old-school love
story set in Englad pre-WWI I think. But it shows how
not to judge a book by its cover, or for the first few
pages of it.

I have been sick for the past couple of days. NOt a
happy feeling. Although it felt nice to miss school for
2 days. But I got bored and missed my friends. Story of
my life. For a while! ^_^
Later!cez

Holiday cheers and society

2004-12-09T13:52:00.000-08:00

What is wrong with society lately?? i know that society is mean.. and it is harsh to go out there and make yourself look like a fool just because you want to be different.. Why is different so bad?? Is it so wrong to express your feelings without going with the flow.. Is it so wrong to want to be noticed? Is it so wrong to not have the names of abercrombie, hollister, american eagle, coach on your items of clothing? SOciety has become superficial in terms of judging people... Is this what we've spent most of our free times in, judging people based on the amount of money they spent on their clothes? Or who they hang out with?? hmmm... gotta think about that dont yah think?

XmAs is almost here... Do you feel the chill in the morning and in the evening.. Maybe you live in a place where it snows.. DO you see the snow lightly accenting the pine trees on ur backyard... Isn't it a joyous feeling, the feeling of christmas, hannukah (sp?) and kwanzah.. Whatever you celebrate, the holiday season is here, and speaking of the holiday season, we bought our xmas tree, a real one, and decorated it for almost 3 hours.. I was thinking of all the money i spent on gifts for my frends, and i spent almost $200 on their gifts... oohh man... What am I gonna do when I go back? WHose money am i gonna be gobbling up??

IS your xmas gonna be warm?? or is it gonna be cold like mine?? YOu know, without that special person in your life... TO all you singles out there like me that are very worried about being cold this xmas, always remember that you have your family to fall back on, I'm sure they'll be happy to keep you warm this xmas, then maybe next xmas, you won't need them at all!!

My favorite holiday?? New YEar! Wanna know why?? Well, it's simple really, it's the start of a new year, your new new year's resolution which i'm sure you wont be able to really follow.. The usual one's like;

1. I will stop being a shopaholic - oh come on! who wants to stop being a shopaholic? if you're running low on cash.. resort to tiangges and to ukay-ukay, i'm sure the shopaholic in you will be really happy.. just remember, there's a difference between wanting and liking.. but non-the-less be happy shopping.. ^_^

2. I will lessen going out with my friends on weekdays - no matter how hard you try though, when the call of friendship and the call of the bar, or the mall calls you.. there's no stopping you!

3. I will study harder! - ok some people can really do this.. but some people cant... they get so caught up in the stress.. that sometimes they forget about it, come on.. you just wanna pass dont yah?

4. I will stop smoking - i dont smoke.. but i know some people who do, and that's one of their biggest resolutions.. but do they actually stop? let's just say next year they'll be having this same resolution on their list.. 5. I will stop getting myself drunk when i cant go home by myself - hahahha... a funny one huh? i know some people like that though.. since i dont drink excessively.. i'm the person who drinks off other people's drinks.. i used to have to take all my friends home... and do you know how hard it is to carry a drunk person?? not that easy..

Resolutions are fun to do.. It's inspirational to other people.. and hey, if you do complete a resolution, you can brag about it the year after that.. hahaha.. But before resolutions, have that great holiday!.. merry xmas to all!!! happy kwanzah! and a very jolly hannukahh!

wag na kase gumaya...

2004-11-13T15:09:00.000-08:00

i may be a true blood filipina, but i'm hella proud to be!! proud to have the perfect skin, proud to have the face.. proud to know the culture and proud to live the culture..

but as most of you know.. i am now residing in california.. as all of you may know, california is very liberated.. being liberated has it's positive effect on society.. even though i was born asian, i have already set my mind of being liberated.. that doesnt change my heritage..

when i got here.. i firmly said that i wanted the filipino channel. being out of the country for almost two years without knowing what's happening with the so called showbiz world.. i craved for new news.. as we may call chismis.. so we got it.. we have the filipino channel in our house.. i spent my whole 3 months just watching that damn channel.. and i have come to many conclusions:

1.) the filipino community still hasnt stopped copying other culture's culture and making it their own.. adding their own flavor... that maybe really kewl.. but if we adapt 90% of other cultures.. and only have 10% of ours.. where is the filipino pride in that?? what are we suppose to be proud of??

2.) star circle quest needs cooler ideas.. ok.. so this is a show that's looking for new talent.. it's set up like american idol.. that's cool.. but everybody knows that american idol winners only experiences the 15 min of fame.. anyways.. last night i was watching.. and mr.boy abunda made this rude comment, "dont waste your time, and dont waste ours..." ok.. that was totally out of line.. if you accepted the job of being a judge on that show.. stick to your fuckin responsibilities.. they cant help it if they're not qualified enough to star in a box office.. you're suppose to help them evolve into good actors.. not raise raitings on your show..

3.) marina is the stupidest show ever.. no other comments on that.. damn.. why do you have a fuckin girl in fins?? that's so stupid

4.) krystala is another stupid show... get it out of the fuckin channel..

5.) since the showbiz world's running out of things to talk about.. they're making such a big deal about the littlest things.. wut shame!!!

argh.. i hope when other people see this channel, they dont misinterpret it with what filipinos are really about.. the respect,warmth, and love..

highschool stereotypes

2004-11-11T08:39:00.000-08:00

i've been thinking of a new post... and here i am..with a new post about highschool stereotism...if that is a word... hmm... i hate it when people put you into categories... i myself once put people into categories.. but through the years i've had highschool.. hahahhaa... i've learnt that it is not right to do that...

some people take it too seriously.. like they have to be popular and all that shit.. so they end up re-inventing themselves to please others.. that is not the way to go... i mean.. popularity is nothing.. sure you'll get more pictures in the yearbook and your name will be mentioned more, and if the people ask about you everybody knows who you are.. but isnt highschool a school.. where you learn shit even though you dont want to.. isnt it suppose to prepare you for college..am i sounding nerdy??? the point is.. when people try too hard to be popular, they risk everything to be in that status...

my advice to anybody who wants to be popular.. be friendly.. dont be a biatch.. a plastic.. you know what i mean....

2004-10-31T20:12:00.000-08:00

i just got back from irene's church.. i had so much fun!!.. it started out late though.. but i had a lot of fun.. i had my hair colored pink and glittered with gold i think?? i dont remember.. then i ate this small apple dipped in caramel.. dang.. that was hard to eat..

then after that we ate korean sushi.. i forgot what's it called.. irene what was the name again?? hahaha.. then i ate kitkat.. then ate some more candies.. and some more sushi.. hahaha.. i'm so full right now.. it's not funny anymore.. i think i'm gonna throw up..

erms.. there are pictures on my other blog pictures.of.a.confessed.princess nice title huh?? hahaha..anyways.. wut else.. dang we have school tomorrow.. i hate it.. we shouldnt have school tomorrow...

oh yeah i'm gonna be posting on this blog.. on my xanga and on that other blog up there.. oh those are just pictures by the way.. hope u like my blog.. and visit it always.. oh yeah and sign the little tag-board..

tell me if you want to link up.. aight?? much luv.. mwahugs!!

What to do when you hate the food they serve u..

2004-10-31T13:29:00.000-08:00

nyahaha.. nice title huh?? well.. i woke up early this morning.. and finally figured out this blogger thingie.. then my mommie came in the room and told me we had to go to Mervyn's and return the waller she bought a week ago..

So off we went, mind you i havent taken a shower yet, we drove to mervyn's and did a little shopping here and there.. i tried on a couple pairs of shoes, either they were too high, or too low, or were just too out there for me..

my mommy then said, "i wanna go eat next door."

i saw that it was this noodle place.. hahaha.. i love chinese food.. and i love noodles.. so i was like, "ok.. but i get to order what i want this time.." i had to say this because she's been accustomed to me not eating everything i order, so she orders for me.. nways.. back to the story.. so we went inside the place and we were seated.. hmm... i looked at the people in the place.. dang no cute guys around..

so i ordered this wanton special or something like that.. we ordered two things, one special chow mein, and another soup noodle or whatever.. the soup was good.. but the chow mein?? makes me puke.. and it was really expensive.. they had silverwears and plates out.. and my mom fancied this really small plate where you put soy sauce in.. so she took it.. hahhaha.. and put it in her bag...

dang the courage.. i wouldn't be able to do taht.. so there u go.. the thing u do if you dont like the food they serve you.. or it's just too damn expensive... hahhaa.. oh yeah.. here's the pic of the plate...

well that's all.. post more later.. gots to go with irene to her church.. much luv.. mwahs!!

starting out is the hardest

2004-10-16T14:32:00.000-07:00

erms.. i'm just starting this new blog.. so yeah.... post more later when i've figured it out..